THE PSYCHOLOGY OF NARCISSISM (traits, symptoms, + how to cope with narcissists)

Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egoistic admiration of one's idealized self.

Many have believed that narcissists are real-life demons that have been born to cause misery and create destruction, while some believe that these people are wounded souls that need healing. With the lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, narcissists struggle with work and personal relationships, and are often overwhelmed with sadness. Narcissism is not a mental condition but a personality/character trait. This type of personality disorder is called as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

A total of 1% of the total population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Most of the population with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are men (50%-75%). It has been found that everyone has some traits or qualities of narcissism, which is okay. These narcissistic traits are normal and are different from those with NPD.

Psychologists say that we are currently living in a Narcissistic epidemic and a larger number of people are becoming narcissists. The social media has played a major role in the same. Narcissistic people are in excessive need for attention and admiration, or a fuel for their fragile ego, which in the psychoanalytic theory is called as Narcissistic Supply. 

Narcissism decreases with age because we are humbled by both success and failure over time and our focus gradually shifts from ourselves to our children and grandchildren. For those with excessive narcissism, the inability to achieve perfection and to orient towards others can be experienced as crushing defeat as life goes on. 

The origin of narcissism is commonly due to genetic and environmental factors.

COMMON NARCISSISTIC TRAITS:

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance. 
2. Preoccupied with fantasies and unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.
3. Believes he/she is special and unique, and can only be understood by other special or high-status people.
4. Require excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement i.e unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment.
6. Inter-personally exploitative`i.e.takes advantage of others to achieve their own end.
7. Lacks empathy, unwilling to recognize/identify with the feelings of needs of others.

There are two types of Narcissistic behaviors:

• Overt narcissistic behavior (visible behaviors)
• Covert narcissistic behavior

COMMON NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIORS:

1. Never apologizing.
2. Being manipulative.
3. Blaming others.
4. Repeatedly putting others down.
5. Not handling criticism.
6. Exaggerating achievements or talents.
7. Expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements. 
8. Pointing out others' flaws.
9. Never admitting mistakes.
10. Feeling threatened by others' accomplishments.
11. When someone doesn't like them, they assume its jealousy.
12. Gaslighting i.e a form of psychological abuse, by lying, denying that they've said certain things and inflaming others.

HOW TO COPE WITH NARCISSISTS:

• The best possible way proved by psychologists is no contact. Though it won't be very easy as narcissists would find a way to contact you and will continue to bug you for a long time to come. So, just blocking their numbers or ignoring them wouldn't necessarily help. This will need a slow and a gradual process. You can do this by avoiding one-on-one interactions with them or by avoiding to go to the places where they would go.

• Another important way to cope with narcissists is to never call them out. Calling them out for being narcissistic will only make things difficult for you as they might speak against and often false things about you to other people, they would want to put you down even more and make your life more miserable. Calling them out as narcissists can also lead to narcissistic rage, i.e an outburst of intense anger caused due to a threat to the narcissist's self-esteem or worth. 

• Aware others about the person, so that if he/she speaks wrong about you with others, they'll understand what the narcissist is doing and will become more careful around that person.

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