FEAR OF ABANDONMENT (signs, causes + how to cope)

 

Abandonment is an emotional state, where a person feels undesired, left behind or insecure. Fear of abandonment is an overwhelming worry that people that are close to you, will leave you. A  huge part of the world population experience the fear of abandonment. It is a core feature of Borderline Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, and Separation Anxiety Disorder. Individuals with no mental or personality disorders can also have serious issues with fear of abandonment. 

SIGNS

1. constantly texting friends or closed ones
2. jealous behavior
3. not respecting or communicating boundaries
4. fear of missing out 
5. avoiding strong commitments
6. over apologizing
7. overly sensitive to criticism
8. getting attached to people too quickly
9. difficulty in trusting others
10. pattern of unhealthy relationships 

CAUSES

• Avoidant personality disorder: It is a personality disorder which can involve fear of abandonment, that may result in feeling socially inhibited. Some symptoms of this personality disorder includes low self esteem, nervousness, avoidance of group activities and intense fear being negatively judged.

• Abandonment in childhood: Another reason for the fear of abandonment can be getting abandoned or rejected by parents or care-givers in childhood. For example, your father leaving you as a kid or before you were even born, or the mother rejecting you completely.

• Parental neglect: Maybe you did not get enough affection and love from your family and parents as a kid, and this might have a effect on you as you are growing up.

• Attachment loses in childhood: For example, a sibling moving away from you because of college, you moving away from the place where you had been living since you were born, or death of someone close to you.

• Social rejection in school: Many a times, people who get the most bullied or neglected at school, grow up with poor self-esteem and the fear of abandonment.

• Pattern of romantic rejections or failures: Constant failures in romantic relationships can sometimes cause a person to feel like it is always there fault or there's something wrong with them or that nobody will ever want to be with them.

I think it is not really your fault if you have the fear of abandonment. It is the people that did those things to you, so self blaming is never a good option. People might make you feel like having a fear of abandonment is wrong, but don't let them get to you. There is nothing wrong with asking for a connection.

Everyone has an element of this fear. It helps in the survival of relationships, it helps us get close to people and make close relationships. This is what keeps people together. It may look like a concern, if you have it to an extreme level.

HOW TO COPE

• Figure out the origin: Go back to the causes of the same, and think about how it all began. If you reach to the root of this problem, you might be able to resolve the issue and stop always putting your own self down.

• Think of the worst case scenario: Think about what is the worst that could happen to you, ask yourself and think about what is your deepest fear. Probably, what happened in the past might be very disturbing to you, but now that you're growing older, you'll get to experience more opportunities, more people and more relationships. And, honestly if you get over this fear of abandonment, you'll see people coming more closer to you, because right now, you are pushing them away.

• Observe yourself alone: Ask yourself if it is worth sitting in a room full of people who hold negative perceptions of you in their hearts and be nice on the face, do you think you deserve people who make you feel like you are hard to connect with. No, right? Then, think about how you can spend that time alone and make it fun? Treat yourself at home with good food and by watching a good TV series or go on evening walks listening to your favorite music.

• Stop pushing people away: Not everyone has bad intentions towards you, and there are people who genuinely care about you, but you push them away because you fear that getting someone closer to you, might be painful. Know that it is not always like that. Take a step back and look at all the people you have in your life, and keep the ones you trust and genuinely want.

This is all I have for the same, but somewhere I believe, that after reading this article, someone with the fear of abandonment might still think, "um no I still don't need anybody". I can really understand, that just reading a blog might not help you cope with your issues completely, but at least consider all these points on a deep level, and try to implement them in your life. Right now, you might think you don't want anybody, but if you start allowing a space in your life for healthy relationships, you'll come to a point where you still don't need anybody, but because connections will come to you on their own.

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