THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF-ESTEEM

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The term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value, basically your beliefs about yourself. For example, your appearance, skills, behaviors, etc. Though, women are more insecure about their appearance, self-esteem is much more than that. It is about you as a whole person. 

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In females, self esteem is mostly linked with body image. 90% women want to change certain things about themselves, and only 2% of all women say they are absolutely beautiful, which is actually pretty sad. Also, the more patriarchal a society is, the lower is a woman's self esteem. 

Low self esteem is also linked with - poverty, absence of father, and low quality of home environment(toxic or abusive dynamics). Self esteem decreases as we grow up. We experience changes in our appearance and behavior, we see people changing, we face betrayal or horrible treatment, and our self esteem decreases.

Many people take confidence in a very wrong way. For them, confidence is about putting yourself at the top, and everyone else beneath you, which is actually narcissism. Confidence is the belief that you have the ability to succeed and leave behind failure. This does not require you to put other people down, but instead thinking of yourself as equal to them and others as equal to you.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEALTHY AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

Healthy self esteem:

• Someone with healthy self esteem recognize that they have both strengths and weaknesses.
• They accept both criticism and praise.
• They can openly express their needs and desires.
• They don't think others are better than them, but they also don't think that they are better than others. Equality, not superiority!
• They look at themselves optimistically.  
• They keep healthy relationships and leave the ones that aren't healthy.
• They are able to communicate their boundaries, needs and expectations.

Low self esteem:

• Someone with low self esteem is hyper focused on their weaknesses, or they show off their strengths to make up for it.
• They are hyper sensitive towards criticism even if it is a kind criticism, and they don't even accept compliments. For example, if you tell them they look pretty, they'll deny and convince you that they aren't better than you.
• They can't openly express their needs in front of people, and they often don't think they are deserving.
• They can't see others as superior to them.
• They do not like their own selves as a person and easily look for flaws alone.
• They often don't leave unhealthy relationships, because they can't openly tell their partners that they aren't getting enough appreciation. They also think that nobody else would ever want them.

HOW TO FOSTER HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM?

Self esteem play a significant role in your motivation and success throughout life, while low self esteem hold you back from succeeding. Thus, healthy self esteem becomes very important, so that you navigate life with a positive outlook.

• Set realistic expectations: Setting realistic expectations is necessary to be happy with yourself. For instance, if you expect yourself to be perfect at everything, your expectations won't be fulfilled as it is nearly impossible. In turn, you will disappoint yourself. Or if you expect yourself to have the same hourglass figure as those models on Instagram, you have to know that it is too idealistic. 

• Make a list of all your values: Make a list and write down all your values, think about how you can evaluate them in your life and how much you already do. Ask yourself, if your best friend was you, would you like them? If your daughter was you, would you like them? If yes, then you're already happy with yourself. If you like yourself as a person, you are in accordance with your values.

• Stop comparing: Comparing yourself with others is the worst you could do to your own mental health. You are made unique, appreciate this uniqueness.

• List all the things you like about yourself: Think about all the good things in yourself or the things that you like about yourself and write them down. Read that list whenever you feel down.

• Use social media to better yourself: If you are a fashion influencer, look for the fashion in trend online and get inspiration from them. Scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and thinking about why aren't like those people, is a waste of time. Everybody is made different, and you don't know how hard they try to look that good on social media.

• When someone gives you constructive criticism, take it: You might feel bad hearing people tell you what they don't like about you, but learn to listen to them. It only gives you an opportunity to look at things differently. Nobody is perfect, you might have flaws too and you're probably not aware of them yet. You can choose to argue if their points aren't valid. Also, there's a difference between constructive criticism and putting others down. So, if you see somebody trying to put you down, shut that!

• Be successful at what you have: Give all your efforts and hard work into what you already have, be it anything.

• If your ideal self doesn't match with your realistic self, turn yourself into that: If you want yourself to be or look like a certain way, work for it! People generally hate on those who use plastic surgery as a method to feel more happy about themselves. I, personally, do not think there's anything wrong about it as long as it makes you more satisfied with your appearance. 

• Self-care: This includes - exercising, doing good things for yourself/treating yourself, exercising, positive affirmations visualising success and not accepting toxic relationships.

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